The idea of the tribe completely vanishes and women are quick to tear each other down when a man is involved. While this may also be a reality, I have yet to hear a man tearing down another man with the same precision and frequency that women do to each other.
Women are quick to tear each other down in instances where a man is involved.
They will fight tooth and acrylic nail for a man who is cheating on them, all in an effort to get a prize that is flawed, disloyal, disrespectful, and insincere. Perhaps if they ‘win’, they believe they are the ‘better’ woman. But what is being won?
The anxiety of wondering if he is still spending time with another woman is not winning. The trust that was eroded is not winning. The feeling that you were not enough for him triggers new feelings of inadequacy and that is not winning. So what did you win if you …won? Doesn’t look like much to me.
But women take it further, and develop real hatred for the woman. From the shade throwing, to the bad talking, the back-stabbing and sometimes physical fighting, this ish is real. This confuses me since the one making promises or talking that ‘good’ talk to you is not the woman, but ‘your man’. So why, if you must have them, are those feelings of rage not directed against ‘your man’? He is the one who ‘wronged’ you, not the woman. Understand the situation and react accordingly. Generally the best reaction is to walk away from the mess. Aren’t you worth more than being disrespected?
Two women are being played…
In these situations, both women are being played by the same man. No one is better than the other. Both are worthy of having a man who will honor, cherish, love and be faithful to her. When both stay in the situation, they are saying it is ok to have their value as women be diminished by a man who is incapable of appreciating their worth.
Never be afraid to walk away. Take a moment to establish your ‘negotiables’ and your ‘non-negotiables.’ Being disrespected should always be a non-negotiable. Take the time to work on you to be the woman for whom a good man is searching. When he meets you, he will recognize you. Keep your value up and let no one try to beat your worth down.
Bring back the tribe…
We are stronger together are not only words used during a campaign. As women, we are indeed stronger together. I sometimes look on in amusement as women talk about the tribe, but are also quick to bring another woman down, even when a man is not involved. Women are shamed for their size, (yep, we are still there) compared to others, dissed for their hair, and so much more. Don’t talk about the tribe, when you don’t understand what that means.
The tribe is not just your close friends with whom you talk about other women behind their backs, the tribe becomes every woman. The tribe is every women you can teach with lessons learned from your experiences and from who you can learn from their experiences. Are you there as yet? Are you still tearing down members of the tribe? Are you still accepting being diminished and disrespected? Think how powerful the tribe can be if we support each other, build each other up, learn from each other, teach each other instead of tearing each other down in an effort to win a prize of disrespect, disloyalty, infidelity, lying, humiliation…. Should I go on?